Some advice to all trainees looking for a start.

RTFF, RTFF and most importantly RTFF.

Quizzical looks? Don’t understand? Let me explain! When you get offshore you will hear no end of 3 and 4 letter acronyms, but as a trainee, the one you will hear most is RTFM, Read The F***ing Manual.

The manual contains an abundance of useful information, and in most cases will answer all your questions and help you fix the problem. In much the same way as this Forum contains all the information you need to get a start.

The questions and answers in various guises, such as. How do I get a start? What’s the trick to get in? Who do I approach? Is x ROV course any good? Have been repeated ad nauseum in ROOKIE CORNER, and annoyingly in the general forum.

To fit in to this job and to be a useful member of a crew requires as a minimum:-

1) A good PRACTICAL technical background (Electronics, electrical or hydraulic).
2) Ability to learn a multitude of new skills quickly.
3) Problem solving ability.
4) Common sense.
5) Initiative.

If you genuinely possess all of the above, and you are able to get all your questions answered using this Forum without posting a repeat question under a different title then go for it. Do not waste your money on an ROV course, you will learn more in 2 or 3 shifts than you ever will on any course. If you want to spend money on helping to get a start do your survival and medical! It won’t be easy getting a start in the current climate but you may be lucky.

So stop posting and RTFF

If you have not worked out RTFF the below applies to you!

REALITY CHECK FOR ALL OTHERS.

If you do not possess ALL 5 in the list above, stop dreaming and get on with your current job.

There is a slow down coming, in fact it has already started. The people who will feel it first are the incompetent, the unqualified and trainees, and the reason is simple. Over the last few years the ROV companies have been sending out trainees by the bucket load as there has been a shortage of experienced guys to go around. When the supervisor/superintendant complains that he does not want 3 or 4 trainees in a 6 man team the office have said “there is no one else available”. This is about to change as contracts get cancelled and the work slows down there will be more experienced and qualified guys to go round.

I for 1 am very happy about this slow down as it will weed out all the dross that has entered the industry recently. By this I do not mean trainees with the right background, but the plethora of wannabe ex hairdressers, street sweepers, infantry men, brickies, carpenters etc that have invaded/infected the industry recently. There is nothing wrong with those jobs, they are useful jobs that are required by all developed countries. However they are not relevant to the ROV industry. A trainee with the right background on his first trip is far more useful on shift than any of the above with some experience. The majority of the above mentioned hairdresser etc, end up being nothing more than highly paid winch operators/tea boys. These people have been very happy getting a good wage for doing c*ck all, for far too long, however the gravy train is about to pull into the station.

All the people that have been along for a free ride are going to find it increasingly difficult to find work. The people that will weather the storm, are those that are productive and contribute to the effective and efficient running of a shift with their technical and operational abilities, whether they are trainees or guys with 1 or 2 years experience.

The “TRAINING SCHOOLS”

1) Are any of the training schools charities? NO they are businesses. What is the purpose of a business? To make money for their owners/share holders. Nothing more nothing less.

2) How does a business work? On the laws of supply and demand. As long as there is a demand for courses these “schools” will keep supplying them. Unfortunately the demand is from people who want to get into the industry not from ROV operators.

3) Are there any ethical “schools” out there? To answer this try to find out how many have cut back on the amount of courses being run this year. From my research NONE!

4) All technical training courses require minimum levels of education/experience. The schools will say that all candidates are vetted to assess suitability. If you have spoken to any of these schools what questions have you been asked other than “have you got the money”

5) Do any of the schools offer the option of paying a % of the course fees up front and the remainder from future earnings. Surely if they believed in their product, the vetting procedure and the availability of work this would be an obvious option for such an expensive course.

6) OPITO approved claims, are false, OPITO approves nothing. It simply publishes guidelines for the O&G industry.

7) These training establishments portray this job as quite glamorous with worldwide travel good pay and 6 months off per year etc! How glamorous is lying under a sub in freezing temperatures when it’s pi**ing down with rain and your covered in hydraulic oil in the middle of the N. sea? Or being abandoned by an agent at the airport of a war torn country where life is cheaper than a packet of crisps?

8) You need to ask yourself,

• “If this it is such a great job with all the perks advertised. How are these “training schools” able to recruit instructors?”
• Have any of these instructors got any teacher training qualifications?
• Most of the major players run their own training schools, so why the need for a private one?

9) The training “schools” will sell their courses on the huge employment “potential” of this industry.

A young lad asks his Dad about the difference between potential and reality.
The Dad says “Go ask your Mum if she would sleep with George Clooney for a million quid”
The lad comes back and says “she said yes”
Dad “Go and ask your sister if she would sleep with Ronaldo for a million quid”
The lad comes back and says “she said yes”
The Dad says “That’s the difference son, POTENTIALLY we could be millionaires the REALITY is we live with a couple of slappers.

SNAKE OIL: An expression applied metaphorically to any product with exaggerated marketing, but questionable or unverifiable quality or benefit.

END OF RANT 😀