Damage Limitation

The easy way to divorce is to get it over with and get on with your life (been divorced twice and working towards a third). Don’t fight over anything she is entitled to and assuming you will go back to single life give her all of the house contents (why would you want them anyway).
If there are no kids involved this should be easy enough and you should be able to avoid paying any alimony in return for giving a higher than 50% share in the settlement.
Number 1 tip is get a female lawyer. They are much more cold and calculating than men and you should never take a knife to a gunfight.

Good luck!

Tell your lawyer/solicitor that you are moving overseas permanently to start a new life. This will probably force the court to look at settling on existing (in country) assets alone and likely do away with trying to enforce any monthly payments that your local court would be unable to enforce anyway. If you advise that you are moving ovseas the court will look to settle whatever it can within the law of the land. I would not even entertain the idea of monthly payments or working ‘overtime’ just to make those payments. You’ll end up a slave to the system and never get away from the ex! What you are looking for (in UK court terms) is a ‘clean break’. That’s what you must strive towards, even if it cleans you out of cash and assets at the time.

Next. Ditch your current job. Get a new job and have them pay you into an overseas account, preferably in the country you are bailing out to. You need to be in control of your income. Living and working overseas pretty much gives you that control.

Been there, done that.

Why the duck would they threaten somebody with prison?

Thanks James. I have a number of properties in the UK and a son so fleeing the country is not possible although I have thought about it!

My current train of thought is to use one agency for my revealed income but use a foreign agency and bank for a second and private income. Not sure how this wold work in terms of tax and NI etc but I am sure it is doable. Trouble is courts see my ‘potential’ earnings so I can’t just half my income all of a sudden. Then there’s seafarers tax, not income but since I have claimed for the last 15 years or so, this can easily be seen as a ‘target’ pot of money for my ex.

I’ll get there in the end, it’s just a frustrating process not to mention the costs. And to think my ex and I had agreed a financial split until her solicitor poked her nose in! It’s quite obvious to me that solicitors are rubbing their hands together over this, it’s a shame my ex can’t see that whatever legal fees I incur will result in less for her.

Cheers

Put the properties in your son’s name in trust, or sell the whole lot unless for legal reasons you can’t. Shift the money out of the UK.
I can’t see why you can’t leave the UK if you have a son though? I’m sure your wife’s solicitor is rubbing their hands together when they see the perceived emotional tie they have over you through your son. My ex argued in family court that she needed the house to bring the boys up in a familiar environment. She got the house. One would think that was good for the kids.
I told my solicitor at the time that once the agreement was signed she would sell up. My solicitor disagreed with me.
No sooner was the ink dry on the agreement than she sold the place and moved! The boys had no say in the matter.

You do need to be pretty tough about this, both emotionally and financially, or you’ll be taken to the cleaners for many years to come yet. Women and their council will use emotional ties with children to their best advantage.
Remember you are not dealing with your wife any more. You are dealing with her solicitor who, it seems, has already started to get their teeth into this.
What happens when you strike up another relationship and want to settle with your new partner.. explaining that there is a constant drain of funds to the tune of 4k a month will go down like a lead balloon. You must break away from the UK. Get a clean break in court, no maintenance and come back later of you wish. With a clean break she cannot take you back to court.
Your son can come and visit you, or you can visit your son. Just because you reside overseas doesn’t mean you can’t come and visit or work in the UK.

The UK system is based (in the main) on that fact that you a UK resident and therefore they have a legally enforceable hold over you. Not so if you do not reside in the UK. The courts and Judges know that.

If you can’t make the break you will take a hammering for years down the line.

GBP4000/month!! That is totally unacceptable!!
I agree with the previous posts concerning income. I’d do all I could to drop my income to a proven level that the courts can work with. Or even Zero! Courts cannot work with perceived income. Falling that, stop working altogether. Stop paying the mortgages…. starting with the house your wife lives in. Let your finances appear to fail miserably so that when it comes to this the courts se it also. In the meantime I’d start shifting whatever cash you can get your hands on into a non UK bank account. Sell any spare cars, big boys toys etc.. liquidate stuff ASAP. Make it look as if you need the cash.
You are going to need it.
Tell your wife (through solicitors) that you are having trouble finding work due to the economic downturn hence a huge drop in income. No court in the land is going to argue against that. If you do go away don’t tell here. It’s none of her business anymore. She needs not to be able to track your movements.. evne when a son is involved.
I feel that if you head down the totally honest (caring?) path you appear to currently be on, you will run the risk of losing most of what you currently own eventually anyway. As long as you remain within the jurisdiction of the UK legal system she, and the UK legal system, will bleed you dry eventually. You’ll have the child support agency, or whatever they call themselves these days, hounding you as well.

Bit of a rant but gives you food for thought.