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Cabledog.
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September 14, 2006 at 4:43 pm #90
Gina McLauchlan
ParticipantThis is one carried over from the old forum
A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback.
On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar.
“For f_ck’s sake!” the bloke cried, “what the hell’s going on here? I’ve been here one hour and I’ve seen a bloke shagging a sheep, and now some bloke’s wanking himself off in the bar!”
“Fair dinkum, mate,” the bartender told him, “You can’t expect a man with one leg to catch a sheep”
September 14, 2006 at 4:44 pm #7668ParticipantTry this one:
The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists;
A university graduate and an old aboriginal. They were given a
word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was“TIMBUKTU”.
First to recite his poem was the university graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
“Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels two by two
Destination – Timbuktu. ”The crowd went crazy! No way could the old aboriginal top that they thought.
The old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
” Me and Tim a huntin’ went
Met three whores in a pop up tent
They was three, and we was two
So I bucked one,
and Timbuktu. “September 22, 2006 at 9:20 am #7669back6
ParticipantTRUE STORY FROM DOWN-UNDER
Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.
Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is Called “Mate Match”. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers “yes”, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.
One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you’ve heard yet. Anyway, here’s how it all went down:
DJ: “Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of ‘Mate Match’?”
Contestant: (laughing) “Yes, I have.”
DJ: “Great! Then you know we’re giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win.
What is your name? First only please.”Contestant: “Brian.”
DJ: “Brian, are you married or what?”
Brian: (laughing nervously) “Yes, I am married.”
DJ: “Thank you. Now, what is your wife’s name? First only please.”
Brian: “Sara.”
DJ: “Is Sara at work, Brian?”
Brian: “She is gonna kill me.”
DJ: “Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?”
Brian: (laughing) “Yes, she’s at work.”
DJ: “Okay, first question – when was the last time you had sex?”
Brian: “About 8 o’clock this morning.”
DJ: “Atta boy, Brian.”
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) “Well…”
DJ: “Question #2 – How long did it last?”
Brian: “About 10 minutes.”
DJ: “Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn’t at stake.”
Brian: “Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.”
DJ: “Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o’clock this morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) “I, ummm, I, well…”
DJ: “This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?”
Brian: “Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks…”
DJ: “Uh huh…”
Brian: “…and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.”
DJ: “Atta boy, Brian.”
Brian: “On the kitchen table.”
DJ: “Not that great?? That is more adventurous than the previous hundred times I’ve done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife’s work number and call her up. You listen to this.”
[3 minutes of commercials follow. ]
DJ: “Okay audience; let’s call Sara, shall we?” (touch tones…..ringing….)
Clerk: “Kinkos.”
DJ: “Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?”
Clerk: “This is she.”
DJ: “Sara, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I’ve been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.”
Sara: (laughing) “A couple of hours?”
DJ: “Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any\answers away or you’ll lose. Sooooooo… do you know the rules of ‘Mate Match’?”
Sara: “No.”
DJ: “Good!”
Brian: (laughing)
Sara: (laughing) “Brian, what the hell are you up to?”
Brian: (laughing) “Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.”
DJ: “Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sara. If your answers match Brian’s answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sara: (laughing) “Yes.”
DJ: “Alright. When did you last have sex, Sara?”
Sara: “Oh God, Brian….uh, this morning before Brian went to work.”
DJ: “What time?”
Sara: “Around 8 this morning.”
DJ: “Very good. Next question. How long did it last?”
Sara: “12, 15 minutes maybe.”
DJ: “Hmmmm. That’s close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We’ve got one last question, Sara. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?”
Sara: (laughing) “Yes.”
DJ: “Where did you have it?”
Sara: “OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn’t tell them that did you?”
Brian: “Just tell him, honey.”
DJ: “What is bothering you so much, Sara?”
Sara: “Well…”
DJ: Come on Sara….. where did you have it?
Sara: “Up the ar$e…..”
After a long pause, the DJ said, “Folks, we need to take a station break”
And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!
😳September 27, 2007 at 1:11 pm #7670Cabledog
Participantf85kin’ brilliant 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆
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