Barfly babble

[Scott Beveridge]

> > > BASIC BAR TRANSLATIONS……….
> > >
> > > 1. "YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME."
> > > (We won’t be here long enough to get another round.)
> > >
> > > 2. "I’LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU."
> > > (Happy hour is about to end… beers are now a
> > > dollar, but by the next round they’ll be $4.50 a pop.)
> > >
> > > 3. "HEY, WHERE IS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS?"
> > > (I have no interest in talking to you except as a
> > > way to get your attractive friend into a compromising
position.)
> > >
> > > 4. "WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?"
> > > (What’s cheap?)
> > >
> > > 5. "I’LL HAVE A GLASS OF HOUSE WHITE."(FEMALE)
> > > (I’m easy.)
> > >
> > > 6. "I’LL HAVE A GLASS OF HOUSE WHITE (MALE)
> > > (I’m gay.)
> > >
> > > 7. "I’LL HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN." (FEMALE)
> > > (I’m really easy.)
> > >
> > > 8. "I’LL HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN." (MALE)
> > > (I’m really gay.)
> > >
> > > 9. "DO YOU HAVE ANY SAMBUCA?"
> > > (I want to make my friend really sick so we can all
> > > laugh at him in the morning.)
> > >
> > > 10. "EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (MALE TO FEMALE)
> > > (I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that
> > > I get to lick you.)
> > >
> > > 11. "EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (FEMALE TO MALE)
> > > (If this is how wild I am in the bar, can you
> > > imagine what I’ll do to you in bed?)
> > >
> > > 12. "CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (FEMALE)
> > > (I am really annoying, but cute enough to get away
> > > with this.)
> > >
> > > 13. "CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (MALE)
> > > (It’s 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking an hour
> > > ago. Hell, I probably spent half my paycheck in here
> > > last night, it is the least you can do for me.)
> > >
> > > 14. "I DON’T FEEL WELL, LET’S GO HOME." (FEMALE)
> > > (You’re paying more attention to your friends than
> > > to me.)
> > >
> > > 15. I DON’T FEEL WELL, LET’S GO HOME." (MALE)
> > > (I’m horny.)
> > >
> > > 16. "WHO’S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?"
> > > (I haven’t bought a round in almost 3 years, but I
> > > am an expert at diverting attention.)
> > >
> > > 17. "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO MALE)
> > > (Get the hell out of the way.)
> > >
> > > 18. "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO FEMALE)
> > > (I am going to grope you now and blame it on the
> > > crowd.)
> > >
> > > 19. "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO MALE)
> > > (Don’t even think about groping me, just get the
> > > hell out of my way.)
> > >
> > > 20. "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO FEMALE)
> > > (Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway?
> > > You’re certainly not all that, missy, coming in here
> > > dressed like a whore and get your eyes off of my man,
> > > or I’ll slap you like the slut you are, bitch.)
> > >
> > > 21. "THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR."
> > > (Did I sleep with him/her?)
> > >
> > > 22. "I DON’T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (FEMALE)
> > > (I’m 16.)
> > >
> > > 23. "I DON’T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (MALE)
> > > (I don’t have a licence since I got pulled over and
> > > blew a .4 after my last visit here.)
> > >
> > > 24. "NO, REALLY, I’M OK TO DRIVE."
> > > (I’m wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have
> > > anybody see who I am going home with.)
> > >
> > > 25. "I’M NOT USED TO THESE DARTS."
> > > (I can’t throw anything smaller than a pool cue when
> > > I am this bombed.)
> > >
> > > 26. "LET’S GO OUT TO MY CAR AND GET SOME CIGARETTES."
> > > (MALE TO FEMALE)
> > > (You would look great face down in my lap.)
> > >
> > > 27. "I’VE HAD LIKE 10 BEERS ALREADY."
> > > (I’ve only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this
> > > way.)
> > >
> > > 28. "YOU GO AHEAD, I’LL CATCH A CAB."
> > > (I already lined up a ride home with your ‘ex’.)

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