few more funnys

[melvodon]

Weird Baby

A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby.

As the head came out it was dark and had an afro.
The doctor said, "Madam, have you ever slept with a black man?"
"Well, yes, but only once."
"Once is all it takes" he replied.

Then the torso came out and it was yellow.
"Madam, have you ever slept with an oriental man?"
"Well, yes" she said, "but only once."
"Once is all it takes," he said.

When the legs came out they were red. The doctor asked her if she had ever slept with an Indian.
"Well, yes" she said, "but only once."
"Once is all it takes," he said.

He finally pulled the baby all the way out and held it upside down and slapped its bottom to make it cry.

As it started to cry the woman exclaimed "Oh, thank God, at least it doesn’t bark!"
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An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class: "There are two things you need to succeed in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear." Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse’s anus and licked it. "Now you must do the same," he told the class. After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed. "Second," the professor continued, "You must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this corpse’s anus, but licked my index finger?"

Two Sweethearts There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls and letters and e-mails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So what she did was this: She took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was pissed. So what he did next was awesome: He wrote on the back of the photo the following: "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and then mailed the picture to her parents.
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A guy goes hunting one weekend and manages to bag himself a buck.

He takes it home for his wife to cook for dinner.

That night at Dinner he says to his kids "can anyone guess what the meat is"

One child says "is it a pig" father say "no" kid says "is it a cow" father says "no"

"I will give you a clue mummy calls daddy it sometime" says the father to which the youngest replies "don’t eat it, it’s an arsehole"

Gynecologist’s Assistant Opening

A young man goes into the Job Centre in Jacksonville, Florida, and
sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested he
goes to learn more –

"Can you give me some more details about this?" he asks the guy
behind the desk.

The Job Center man sorts through his files & replies – "Oh yes here it is:

The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist.

You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and carefully

wash their genital regions You then apply shaving foam and gently

shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they’re ready

for the gynecologist’s examination. There’s an annual salary of $45,000,

but you’re going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That’s about 620

miles fom here."

"Oh why, is that where the job’s at?"

"No sir – that’s where the end of the application line is."
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