Funny quips

[Mike Kidd]

Heard from the back of the shack while pilot is inserting the torgue tool
"Its not a door, you don’t have to knock before you enter"
Anybody got any better ones? 😆

[Ray Shields]

The (in)famous:-

"Standby to lose the sub" being shouted over the ClearComs just before the sub goes through the ships thruster

And the one I remember when I started:-

Supervisor – "OK survey, Im just going to fly over this chain".

Whispers from the back of the shack between two Pilots "didn’t he fly under it in the way in?"

30 seconds later, twang – sudden all stop on the ROV as the umbilical’s wrapped round the anchor chain.

[Lloyd Todd]

TMS secure on deck, confirm vehicle lost.

Always a good one,

Mad-dog

[Savante]

😆

"survey – > ROV, confirm moved out of the trench – DCC 20 to starboard, looking for a virgin. None found. Yup, definately no virgins down here."

"eh survey -> ROV, reccommend we reposition vessel in Kristiansand"

(Fugro Norway call the MSBL "Virgin soil")

[Savante]

i heard an infamous one last year (I was not part of the crew!!)……the guy was apparently fired for it..

..[to the onshore manager]….

"so we’ve got some good news….and some bad news"

[onshore] "whats the bad news."

[rov] well we were flying close to the rear of the vessel, we saw the props and then all of a sudden the video went dead, there was a loud bang, and we saw umbilical, plastic and yellow debris flying through the air. I’m afraid the vehicle went through the thruster, and it’s all pretty f9cked up. The client rep is not happy.

[onshore] aw, *£(, so what the *ck is the good news?

[rov] "well we got a spare set of camera covers "

[Andy Shiers]

😆 😆

[Ray Shields]

Offshore call to ROV Manager:-

"The ROVs bust, the rig is waiting on us, and we’ve just started the main lift reterm for the third time this week"

ROV Manager:- "You think you’ve got problems, the sun is streaming into my office and the blinds are broken!"

[Savante]

another war story I heard of – courtesy of crover !! 😆 …

[Background – Job is a scrub straight from the start]

[client rep] " blah blah blah, we’d like you to go and do this blah blah blah blah……

[rov supervisor] " uhhh huhhh…. hmmmm… ok. but can i have a little kiss first?

[ client rep] " WHAT ? "

[rov supervisor] " yeah, a little kiss…….it’s just normally my missus gives me a little kiss just before I get f_cked"

[HelpMaBoab]

Back in around 85, we were on the High Seas Driller doing diver support using a Dart 😯
As usual it was in bits in the shack when the door bursts open and the geordie OIM yells at us in Pure Geordie
"YaFookinFookersYaFookinFookersAreFookinFookedAgainYaFookinFookers".
and away he went, Meself and the trainee almost wet ourselves 😆

[Author]

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